… but wait — there’s more!

There is a much bigger revelation that we took away that night… and that is much like on Gilligan’s Island, karaoke nights tend to have a pretty specific cast of characters. You know… the professor and Mary Anne… but more than that. We have:

• the old timer – this is the oldest dude in the joint. and he’s probably been karaoke-ing for like 50 YEARS — at LEAST. and all he’ll sing are obscure ballads and showtunes. but the discerning ear will give him props for even knowing these songs exist
• the dion – there’s one in almost every crowd. and our night out proved to be no exception. this guy could really sing. the problem is, no one was really listening or got too excited because they all thought it was the jukebox.
• the diva — sometimes there is more than one in the crowd, which can lead to trouble if the list is crowded. this is someone who’s a mediocre vocalist and generally wears clothes that are too tight. or that don’t cover. or both. the songs aren’t bad but there’s something in the eager look that tells you something just ain’t right.
• the punk/the hootie — sometimes you’ll get the frat boy who sings songs that just weren’t meant to be karaoke’d. like anything by the wallflowers.
• the iglesias – if you’re lucky and in an urban area, you’ll probably see this guy. he’s suave, he’s got a killer accent and he’s wearing gold. a lot of it. he sings in another language, so you really have no idea what the song is about. but you know what it is about anyway. it’s about amor.
• the charity case — ok, granted, karaoke is not necessarily about great singing. however, generally there is one person who stands out above all the rest as the worst singer of the night. man, woman… doesn’t matter. someone takes home the prize, and surprisingly this time it wasn’t me. in this case, it was this guy who during one of his turns tried to do “Big Shot” by Billy Joel. wow.
• mary kate and ashley — invariably, two giggling young ladies show up to sing songs by alanis morrisette, britney spears and 80s tunes. but they’re fun so you can’t help but clap.
• the cameo — most good karaoke nights have their regulars… and then there are those that have the ultra-regulars. these are the people who are regulars but for one reason or another can’t stay for the whole show, so they get to cut in line. to sing paul anka.

and then there are those that defy classification… and we had the mother of all karaoke performers at the show we attended. this guy… really there is no way to describe him. he was older, and had probably been waiting the entire week for karaoke night. polyester suit and jacket. glasses. he had some kind of jerry lewis/carol channing thing going on — i can’t quite put my finger on it. anyway… he got up to sing and actually had a pretty good voice. his first round was “My Way”. So far so good… he New Yawk’ed it up a bit, which was a nice touch… and then it happened. Near the end, as he hit the “big” note… (Myyyyy… Wayyyy )– his dentures slipped out of his mouth. By the grace of God he recovered quickly and I did not succumb to the fit of laughter that was brewing in my throat. Afterwards, we told him good job and he proceeded to tell us how he’s been gifted with singing since the age of six. Well now. “I have abnormally large lungs. I was x-rayed.” he said to me as he made his way out of the bar at the end of the evening. And that was all the explanation I really needed. Or could comprehend.

Oh… and then there was us, of course. I’m not sure what category we fall under. I’ll leave that up to you. We’ll probably go back sometime… I hope we do. It was fun and a nice way to unwind after a hectic week. Big up to my boy for the idea.