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27th October
2004
written by site admin

Before there was Eddie Vedder, there was Neil Diamond. If you’re one of those unfortunate souls who listens to a classic like “Turn on Your Heartlight”, “Sweet Caroline” or “Play Me” and ignorantly says “I don’t get it!”. Well, I hate to say it, but you probably never will.

This, my friends, is power:

I’ve been lonely in need of someone
As though I’d done someone wrong somewhere
But I don’t know where
I don’t now where
Come lately

I don’t mean to be conceited or boastful* (ok I do, fine), but I have to tell you that I think I do the best female impersonation of Neil Diamond that I’ve ever heard. “I Am, I Said”, “Kentucky Woman” — you name it, I’ve got the Neil down. So I don’t have a open chested jumpsuit (yet). So what? If it’s the intensity of the jewish Elvis that you want, I’m all over it.

I’m not really ashamed to admit that I have a nice collection of Neil Diamond cassette tapes, CDs and mp3s. I’m not afraid to admit that I listen to them frequently… I’m not above saying that I crank up “Play Me” while I’m trying to get down to business and plow through work. And I’m most certainly not going to shy away from letting you all know that I will sing the songs of Neil right out loud, any time of day or night.

With my frequent channeling of Neil in mind and since everyone tells me I should have my own show, I decided to just take matters into my own hands. So, I bring you The Neil Diamond Show.

*Have you noticed that anytime someone prefaces something with “I don’t mean to…”, it’s a sure sign that they so totally *do* mean to?

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8 Comments

  1. 28/10/2004

    As a passionate Neil Diamond fan, I can only thank you.

    -Julia
    p.s. you *gotta* get the jumpsuit.

  2. 28/10/2004

    i’m not sure whether to laugh or cry…

  3. 28/10/2004

    Kevin — no one said you had to choose. We believe in doing both, at the same time, very liberally.

  4. 28/10/2004

    that aside, you are a definite talent, but are you a triple threat??

  5. 28/10/2004

    Interesting coincidence: a few years back at a different ad agency, I would crank John Denver’s “Ay Calypso!” Me and another guy would then bellow out the tune. And if you are familiar with the song (aren’t we all?) there’s a fair amount of yodeling involved.

  6. 28/10/2004

    ok, i don’t want to sound like a stalker or anything, but can i be your jumpsuit bitch?

  7. 28/10/2004

    good band name: jumpsuit bitch

  8. 28/10/2004

    Jamelah — of course, you can be any type of bitch you put your mind to. Kevin — I think you should call your old officemate to see if you can get that yodeling rock band started.