Archive for March, 2005

I’m hardly the first person to pledge allegiance to Loverboy’s anthem of weekend anticipation, but I can’t help asking “You wanna be in the show?” by the time Thursday rolls around. This week, I’m even more excited about the arrival of quitting time on Friday, because I’m going away for the weekend — and I don’t even know where I’m going. Aside from making it a bit hard to pack, I think a secret getaway is exactly what I need.

Now I don’t usually talk much about my “personal life” in a public way, but I have to say that my boyfriend is the best in the world. He probably doesn’t want this to get out — but he’s very much a romantic. A sweet, sexy, funny and smart romantic, at that. Unfortunately we don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like — but sometimes this makes reuniting that much more special. (Reunited… and it feels so goo-ood. Sing it with me now…) So when he tells me we’re going away this weekend and I’m to await further instructions on how, when and where … it can only be good news. I love surprises, but I’m also highly impatient. But I must wait until later this afternoon at the appointed time when I can get the first inkling of what exactly is going on. Anticipation can be exhilarating, but I can’t help trying to figure it out ahead of time. So this afternoon I’ve been trying to think of what the plans could be. What better to solve this mystery than using the process of elimination. With that, I present to you … the top ten places I don’t think we’re going.

10. Auto Zone
9. The World Championship of Karaoke
8. The magical land of Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
7. Rhode Island
6. Motley Crue concert
5. Saturn
4. My aunt Joyce’s garage
3. Istanbul (not Constantinople)
2. Electric Avenue

and the number one place that I don’t think we’re going:

1. Tic Tac Factory

And there you have it. I think I’m getting warmer. Oh yes, indeed.

(No, that’s not the latest XTC song.)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chicken. Perhaps it’s because it’s not the other white meat. It IS the white meat. (Or should I say it is THE white meat?) I’m starting to realize that in addition to this country’s obsession with chicken (chicken tenders, the chicken dance, why did the chicken cross the road, etc.), there is something else permeating the underbelly of mass media’s sphere of doom — err … influence. Oh, there is a vast conspiracy alright. But the right wing isn’t the wing you should be worried about. Try chicken wing. “But … but … buh…” you might say, “Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing!” It looks like they have you right where they want you.

I’ve always had an inkling that something was up with chicken … but it became abundantly clear I couldn’t ignore this feeling when I heard a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial on the radio. But in the background, were they playing “My Old Kentucky Home” or “Kentucky Woman”? No. No they were not. They were playing an instrumental version of “Sweet Home Alabama”. And I ask: WTF, mate? Last I checked, it wasn’t “Alabama Fried Chicken”. I think there’s some kind of intentional process of disorientation and confusion being perpetrated here. And what does Lynyrd Skynyrd have to do with this?

Enter Hootie. Yes, that’s right. Hootie has left his Blowfish behind and now he’s a cowboy. Singing about a promised land of Burger King Chicken Sandwiches. A fantastic, magical land where Christina Aguilera plucks chicken breasts from trees. Are these people on crack? Or is there more to this chicken than this cowboy’s telling us?

Tell me, why does chicken have to be so crazy? You don’t see beef acting this way, do you? (Ok, there’s mad cow, but that’s a different kind of crazy.) Absurdity is fine … when it doesn’t seek to confuse the public with its deliberate dissemination of disinformation. But the facts show that chicken has closely aligned itself with military strategists. General Tso ring a bell? How about Colonel Sanders? As if being the tuna of the dirt wasn’t enough, chicken has gone so far as to secure naval power. That’s right — Popeye’s.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about chicken. And I think it’s time you start to as well. My name is Caryn and I approved this message.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I really like listening to music while I work. I find that the right music can get me into the zone and keep me motivated throughout the day. Of course, this practice isn’t without its risks. While dance music can inspire me to be more productive … you just never know when you’re going to have to bust a mov(ie).