Archive for August, 2005

Sometimes I feel like my mind is racing at a pace that’s much faster than I can keep up with. Other times I just feel like an iPod set to shuffle after being loaded with a garage full of 8-track classics. Other times I feel like MC Hammer on crack. Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I just gotta throw in some jazz hands for theatrical effect. The point is, and oh how there is one, that on this random joyride of montage soundbites (the likes of which can only be rivaled by any number of VH1 flashback shows) I often find myself thinking “You know, I really ought to be blogging this”.

Of course instead of actually doing that, I’m going to just talk about thinking about doing it. Because that’s metafictional. And by metafictional I mean “total crazy talk” … so before I forget, here is just a sampling of things that I’ve considered blogging about over the last 24 hours (really, just ask Jamelah):

– chinese food
– Martha Stewart
– kids say the darndest things
– mispronunciations
– musical mysteries
– Brains!!!
– the reaper
– biblical names (part 2)
– the latest rehearsal of the lawdy lawdys
– billy idol
– not being Canadian
– pizza rolls
– the death of brevity
– why people, in the end, just need to shut up
– yet even more musical questions
– turning on your heartlight
– being the puppetmaster
– why sometimes you say things and it just comes out as singing along with Bonnie Raitt
– why i’m mad at diddy
– why i’m mad at mc hammer for showing up and doing “u can’t touch this” in full regalia at the recent MTV music awards
– why i really ought to have my own show
– hold me closer, tony danza
– this
– treatise on “Africa” by Toto
– misleading statements by Elton John
– many fine and catchy parodies of “Bennie and the Jets”
– how i’m thinking about changing my answering machine message to a little song known as the “Achy Breaky”

And more … so much more. And even yet more that I’ve probably forgotten from a few hours ago. Like Billy Bragg or how it’s a hard road, dead or alive. But that’s a lot. And so much pressure, to boot. How can I even be expected to tackle it all? I could try, of course. I could do my best, but what if my best isn’t good enough? Then where are we? Bitter, confused and left rambling around back alleyways in search of a few Big Mac boxes… and really, is that any way to live? No, it sure isn’t.

Until next time …

With all the excitement, you might think that’s all that happened over the weekend. However, you’d be wrong. So much to blog, so little time, so get ready to let your envy flow, dear reader — did I mention that Saturday was Spa Day? Yes, Spa Day, complete with facials, manicures, pedicures lip gloss and tattoos. Because nothing says “spa relaxation” like a smiley face or ladybug (temporary) tattoo.

But wait … there’s more.

We also …

– made pizza (not Tombstone)
– made cookies (not only chocolate chip cookies from scratch, but white and dark chocolate swirl chocolate chip cookies)
– vacuumed (a rare ritual)
– discussed how to make felt clothes for the sock monkey
– made bath salts and soaps (never too early to plan for Christmas)
– tackled giant stacks of mail (dear trees, i am really sorry)
– defeated the Meta-Knight and got the next-to-last piece of the mirror in Kirby and the Amazing Mirror (trust me, this is HUGE)
– caught up on the filing (blah, but hallelujah i’m now organized for the next day or two)
– washed the sheets and made the beds (including the vast reorganization of the stuffed animal collection into regions and sections by animal size and type)
– bought a new camera (when you’re holding your batteries in with tape, it’s time)

And much, much more.

Oh sure, there’s a lot I didn’t get done, but all that stuff will still be waiting tomorrow. For now I think it’s enough that I am now officially the coolest mom ever. Trust me, I am … at least around these parts.

Breaking News: At some unreported time during the wee hours of August 27 The Tooth peacefully disengaged from the gum of its discontent and thus ended the great Wiggly Standoff of 2005. The separation was amicable and although shy, the previous holder of said tooth is flashing gum with abandon. When asked how this all came about, she replied “I don’t know, it just came out while I was sleeping.” So what pulling, poking, wiggling and crashing into couches won’t do, a little snoozing takes care of business. Makes sense. So from Mr. Sandman we’re handing it over to the Tooth Fairy tonight for collection and safe keeping … not to mention cash value.

For some reason, the Madster is somewhat of a late bloomer and this is only the 3rd tooth that has decided to take the plunge. Circumstance and calendar blocks have set it up so that this happens to be the 1st tooth she’s lost on Mom’s turf. Although she has a Tooth Fairy Barbie tooth case at Dad’s, here we’re using a mini Tupperware® container — about the size of a Double-Stuf Oreo^TM. (Yes, Tupperware® is the official tooth-holding case of choice here at TMFB and Double-Stuf Oreo^TM is a standard unit of measurement.) By the way, are you aware that the going rate for a tiny little 8-year-old incisor is exactly one George Washington? And I don’t mean the coin, either, my friend. Anyway — I have to admit, although I’m glad to see that tooth finally OUT (it was really just getting gross, trust me. when your tooth flaps in a light breeze, it’s time to say good-bye.), I am a bit nostalgic at heart and it’s tough to admit my “baby” is growing up. I’m sure I’ll be a rock when it comes to the first date, driver’s license, graduation, etc. One day at a time, sweet Jesus. I am a bit nervous to be on Tooth Fairy Facilitation Duty tonight, but I trust that my mad skillz will serve me well.

(Oh by the way, yes, I’m one of those evil archaic moms who lets their children believe in things like Santa, the Tooth Fairy and magic. It’s just one of the many ways I perpetrate deception and darkness into the next generation. I’m also the boogeyman and I bite the heads off of chickens. Have a nice day.)