I don’t think it’s any secret that I love me some Martha Stewart. I daresay I think I have a crush on her — and I don’t care who knows! I am utterly fascinated by (Don’t call it a comeback, homeslices, she’s been here for years!) her new show, simply titled “Martha”. (Not to be confused with the premiere of Apprentice: Martha Stewart which should also be magically delicious. Because let’s face it, she can bust balls as well as Donald Trump, has as much hair and just looks so much better. It’s a good thing. My notes on this wonder of entertainment coming soon.)

The new show is a sort of different spin on the old Martha Stewart Living show, updated, in touch, but still retaining the classic Martha touches and topics. The look of the show itself is very similar to the soft, muted colors and scenery, but without the fuzzy camera treatment and with Martha laughing, cracking jokes, showing up on people’s doorsteps and saying “Oh I know what ballin’ means”. Lord have MERCY! It’s like they took the old show, mixed it with equal parts of Oprah, Letterman and Punk’d … because you know some of these guests have to be thinking “Holy shit, I’m not really handling grosgrain ribbon with Martha FREAKIN’ Stewart!” It’s the stuff dreams are made of … my dreams anyway.

There have been so many good moments in the show already and it’s only been on the air, what, a week?

For Martha, folding t-shirts in her crazy-ass perfect way is like Letterman and his big-ass ham. I hope it’s a running “gag” they do a lot. I think because it freaks people out, it’s insane that there is some origami way to fold a t-shirt and because it reminds me of when Martha was on Oprah talking about how to fold a fitted sheet and when the person picked to be the willing victim, er, assistant was totally not getting it, Martha was like “it’s not rocket science, dumbass”. And I say any time you can call out an innocent bystander on being a maroon, you should take that opportunity. This is why I have so many friends and am pop-u-lar.

But this isn’t about me, it’s about Martha.

Like when she made fun of her “method” for piping steaming hot scrambled eggs into eggshells with Marcia Cross. And they both probably got second-degree burns on their palms (“Whose idea was this?”). Or when she was a slow potsticker maker on her “factory tour” of Rickshaw Dumpling Bar. Or when, in the same segment, put way too many sesame seeds on the chocolate dumpling!! Ooooh weee! She drops stuff … her dog tries to hump Elmo …

Possibly my favorite thing about Martha’s debut is that she seems very honest and real, but still ever so Martha. Like how she casually refers to Alderson or being in prison at least a half-dozen times per show. I’m not sure if she plants these intentionally as a wink to all her naysayers or if it’s more an automatic reference to an intensely interesting part of her life. I don’t much care, because it cracks me up each time. Like how she told David Spade, while making microwaved “baked” apples that “in prison you look for the women with the cinnamon” (/paraphrasing), since it’s a scarce resource. Or when she mentioned that she uses butter in this specific recipe, but that butter isn’t readily available but that it could be “found” in prison. Bizarre, yet alluringly disturbing. This was also the show where David Spade came on dressed as Martha, in a poncho (did I mention everyone in the audience was wearing a poncho?), skittish and feeling a bit sheepish about poking fun at Martha in his SNL days. David Spade and Martha talking about contraband, cooking Tater Tots and Spade calling Martha “dude”. It was a monumental day in television history, for sure.

Of course then a few days later, Martha and Diddy could be found side by side, rapping, dancing and talking about bling. And making hand-painted wrapping paper. I’m not sure you’ve really experienced life to its fullest unless you’ve heard Martha rap: So you want to be ballers, shot callers. or tell Diddy “Oh, I know what ballin’ means.” Seriously.

Another great segment is when Martha decides to visit unsuspecting fans at their homes. And asks what she can do to help them out around the house or to make dinner. Can you imagine? As much as it would pain me, I think I’d have to turn her away at the door, out of shame for the state of my housekeeping skillz. Martha asking for other people’s recipes, sitting down to dinner … playing a crazy Italian card game that wasn’t in the Hoyle book of card games that she was given in prison. I read somewhere that the USA Today review of the show claimed that Martha was “cold” on the show and stiff. Well I don’t know what show they were watching, but I think I am just going to have to chalk that review up to the fact that they’re not a real newspaper. Because if your paper can be found along side a Happy Meal, there may not be real reliable reporting… just saying.

If you’ve missed some of these quality moments, never fear — you can catch some of the show’s highlights in the Martha video archive. Martha daily, it’s definitely a good thing.